#tirednewsflash: bless me father, for i have sinned

THATCHER, KARADŽIĆ & KYLE FOLLOW BLAIR’S LEAD

far from the obviously-guilt-ridden and hugely insulting gesture that many had predicted it would be widely and immediately interpreted as, it seems Tony Blair’s decision to donate several million of the, no doubt, pounds that will proceed from his forthcoming memoir, Love Love Me Do, to the Royal British Legion, has been largely greeted with puzzled indifference. what is more, as well as having been mentioned in some of the papers, former Blair’s decision has prompted others to do the same.

it has emerged today that fellow members of the St Gabriel Squash Club, Hyde Park Gate, Margaret Thatcher, Radovan Karadžić and Jeremy Kyle have all followed the suit by making similar commitments.

one third, it has been announced, of the profit made by Thatcher’s new range of Iron, Lady! electric irons will be donated to the upkeep of the National Coal Mining Museum for England in Wakefield, the north. And, on a neighbouring note, controversial former Bosnian Serb politician, comedian and escapologist, Radovan Karadžić, has promised that a “sizeable chunk” of the millions he accrued presenting NBC’s The Tonight Show from 1997 to 2004, will go towards the construction of Sarajevo’s planned mega-mosque.

monster, shatshow-host and sometime winner of Crufts, Jeremy Kyle, has likewise committed to redirect an as-yet undisclosed percentage of the money he recently publicly raised to help make obese, pre-teen benefit fraud and sexual infidelity, to a new charitable organisation setup to monitor and, where possible, slow the decline of the humanity of the audience of daytime television. the organisation, a brainchild of William G. Stewart, is known only as May God Have Mercy On Our Souls, or MGHMooS.

in a statement delivered to another news agency that we got half a wind of, Sir David Attenborough may have said “I just hope a measure of good comes of this as some kind of counterweight to all the unbelievable misery and destruction that these four human beings have caused the world.”

we have been asked to mention that Tony Blair is of course available for a whole range of expensive after-dinner speaking engagements including: Cricket Club End of Season Do, (public) School Fête, Blessing of New (Catholic) Church Roof, Dead and Maimed Soldiers’ Support Network Annual Ball, Local Labour Club/Rotary Club/Conservative Club Dinner, and so etc.

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