#tirednewsflash: arms around america

SUPREME COURT INSISTS “WET DEM FOOLS”

and finally, in uplifting news, the US Supreme Court has ruled that localised restrictions or bans on guns are unconstitutional and that all states must unrestrictedly allow the right to bear arms.

the ruling will mean sweeping changes to policy in many inner-city areas that have introduced tighter regulation in recent years to help to deal with localised gun crime. for example, it will end the ban on handguns in Chicago, where they have been outlawed since 1982.

given the proven fact that having easy access to guns, especially handguns, makes communities safer, the ruling can only be a good thing and something to be celebrated not just by residents of Chicago, but by all US citizens, those with family and friends in the States and even would-be visitors to the Home of the Brave.

The National Rifle Association, who campaigned hard to drive this issue to the highest level of American justice is today revelling in a decisive victory for freedom, liberty and the American way. “Like most NWA members, we live in Southern, small-town America”, drawled NRA spokesman Wade Sixlynch Jr., “but we are delighted that through our hard work and persistence, all the inner-city neighbourhoods across the country can now enjoy the same level of security and quality of life that we’all have down here. This ruling marks a great moment in American History.”

The US of A currently languishes under some of the worst personal security statistics in the world and it is hoped that this ruling will have a marked effect. “Lord knows, the only way is up”, proclaimed outspoken gun lover, right-wing lobbyist and evangelical pastor Pastor Elijah Monroe of Redwood Brook Jesus Center, Cheyenne, Wyoming, at the post-ruling press conference.

TiredNews™ understands that in the first five months of this year alone, 164 people were shot dead in Chicago because they didn’t have a weapon to defend themselves with. The Violence Policy Center estimates that the overall number of people that find themselves in this powerless position each American year is in the region of 30,000. people.

We can only hope that as a result of the Supreme Court’s actions all this needlessness will soon be laid to rest.

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  • Comments (1)
    • Drew
    • June 29th, 2010

    God Bless the Supreme Court

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