#tirednewsflash: acute problem


a high school math teacher from Alabama has been suspended after the Secret Service became involved in investigating reports by a local newspaper that he taught his students about geometry by asking them to calculate the angle at which they’d have to aim and shoot in order to assassinate Barack Obama in a scenario mocked up on the blackboard. the county school’s superintendent chalmers Dr. Phil Hammonds confirmed that Gregory Harrison (no relation) has been placed on ‘administrative leave’ from Corner High School in Jefferson County while the matter is fully explained away.

However, it seems, however rhetorically shocking, that Mr. Harrison was initially only given a slap on the wrist by the school board ruler, with his suspension only having been initiated in response to the public outcry which flooded in once the story hit the national press. “no-one round here cared” one string-vested parent shouted at reporters from a slow moving truck “it was only when people from the north and washingtown got involved that the shitstorm began”.

Harrison’s fellow teachers have had mixed responses to his ill-advised illustration. one spanish teacher told us that she didn’t want to talk to us and that she was definitely an american and no-one could prove anything anyway. “i dint never voted for him, so to me he ain’t no president anyways” Corner’s head of Girls’ English and Typing, Angela Lansbury told a nodding Fox News reporter. Most other teachers just seemed annoyed by the damage the Secret Service had done to the Staff Room.

“It’s definitely not a race issue” confirmed the school’s optimistic Principal, “we’ve told them all over and over about that. I’m sure it could just have easily have been Nixon or van Buren or any of the white presidents up on the board in that poorly drawn cavalcade. In fact”, she added nonsensically, “they would have been much easier to do with chalk”.


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  • Comments (1)
    • Drew
    • May 20th, 2010

    I googled this. Just to check it was real. That’s how tired you make me.

    Angry and tired…

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